Make a thorough assessment first about your situation before having kids

Having a child or children is a blessing to many couples. If you are a newlywed couple or a couple who find it difficult in conceiving a child, it would be a joyous news. It determines a woman's capacity to fulfill her role as mother biologically and emotionally. It also determines her worth as a woman. Back in the days when if woman didn't produce a desired child, (in some societies and families want a male for a child) she will not be treated well in the family and a lot of pressure is pushed on her to comply with her family's preferences. As for man, having a child will serve as the continuity of the family line.

Some couples particularly a female one will be asked a question by a family member, or a friend and that question is....

"How come you've been married for a year or more but why until now why you still don't have a child?"

In some societies particularly the Catholic and Christian ones, they encourage people on this one Bible verse "Go and multiply!" And as we can see on the old generations despite the family is poor, the family have many children and they believe that one day, all of these children will return and take care of them when they got old and they don't even think about the couples' readiness and true situation, if they can provide a good upbringing to their kids in terms of dealing their emotions, teaching them valuable lessons about life, can they provide food, health needs, education money and resources that would help their child grow.

If their child didn't listen or rebels, it is constantly as the child's fault of disrespecting them but as parents, asked yourselves a question. Did I listen to my child especially on his or her struggles without judging and being biased? Am I available emotionally for them when they need company, did you respect them, become a good model and be consistent for your child/children to respect you as a parent?

There was this post online and it asked a question, you know that your income is not enough for you, why you decided to have many children?

This question may look offensive to some because for them it feels like we are restricting them to love and have a children because of their status however the point is it questions the parent's ability to have a child for practical, emotional and spiritual needs for their future.

Having a child or children requires both readiness from both parents and also requires open communication when it comes to needs, responsibilities and priorities. It is not an easy task, and it requires a lot of patience and compassion. You are building your child to be independent, self-reliant, building resilience, being able to control themselves against bad influences and assertiveness that when the time comes on your absence, they are strong to face harsh realities and knows how to deal with people from all walks of life.

It is not a one-sided care that women only care for their children at home and men just work and no engagement to their children or vice versa. Both the husband and wife know to be flexible and can do the duties of the absence of the other and work together and make arrangements of what seem fit to the situation. Family must be a team and not a traditional hierarchy of authority. Respecting that each one of us has their share and can learn from one another and supporting each other for their goals and uplifting them.

There are others commented that you cannot control sexual urges which sounds to be an unintelligent response. For them it is natural that when you have a relationship, you get sex and accident just happens that a child is form or if they don't have the sex, they miss the thrill in the relationship however they don't see the consequences of that and towards the end, the child suffers. It is only at the end that they realized that they are not eligible and afford to have one. Before having casual sex think about first your situation and if things get beyond your control what would you do?

While others answered, oh! there is no need to worry we have our food banks, free education and support from the government and charities. You can rely on your neighbors, friends and on your extended family members, charities and government. Seriously? True, that some of them will genuinely help you or can afford to help you on their limited capacity however don't rely too much on them because they themselves have their own struggles and you as parents must do an effort to provide your children a decent and stable life.

Meanwhile non-government organizations, charities and government may give you some of those support and through benefits, but it doesn't really provide your family the support you truly need because they allocate their resources to accommodate everyone while others are corrupt and so if they have failed you, what will you do? Act as a victim and blame them?

You may rely on those people temporarily however if you really want yourself and your family change your situation for good. It really needs acceptance of what you are now, make assessment, planning, hard effort and action, invest something on knowledge and skills for self-improvement. It takes time and patience however through time you find those things useful.

The family life before was different to what we have now. Like what I stated previously about poor families on having many children. Before people are living with simplicity and there are less crimes that children can run freely around their homes but in today's setup, we are now dealing with many issues like overpopulation, climate change, chronic poverty, unemployment, addiction, crimes, negative media, homelessness, inflation, pandemic and others making the younger generation decided not to have a child or having many children and simply their reason is having child in this day and age is not safe and stable.

Younger generations are now starting to think what is practical and sensible because they want meaningful connections and have an intentional and purposeful driven life. There is nothing wrong with making assessments of themselves and the world they currently living because from there they are learning to make better decisions from themselves and for the future generations to come.