Listen to your body's call to Self-Care

 

We have a good impression to someone who is active, a type of person who says yes to everything and those who multi-task either it is on personal or professional lives. We see this person as dependable, responsible or whatever good qualities we may add to it however the more we take a lot of commitments and tasks to our plate whether it is for ourselves or for others, what we failed to notice are the following, we spread ourselves too thin, we lose sometimes our authenticity and eventually we lose our ability to look after ourselves.

For those who practice Self-care, some people perceived it as selfish, it is for the weak, having a narcissistic tendency, avoidance to escape responsibilities or an excuse for other people to be indulgent to their vices and addictions.

We have lots of misconceptions about Self-Care however a genuine Self-Care is all about your body's way of regulating and protecting it from stressors whether it is physical, emotional and mental aspects. When we ignore the need to Self-Care, we cannot function to our best, it also affects our relationships and our way of life.

Each one of us have our own set of needs, values, priorities and commitments and before we even follow the self-care practices of others that are trending, we have to carefully assess ourselves, our boundaries and limits. The goal of doing self-care is to do things that we enjoy as we try to nurture our bodies. It has to be attainable and practical. For example, eating healthy foods is your approach to self-care however if you are consistently breaking the bank for you to attain it, then it will only leave you overwhelmed and frustrated. That's not anymore self-care but self-pain.
Personally, I keep my self-care practices simple and easy to do. Let me share to you my 5 Self-care practices with a bonus that you may also benefit from it.

First is "Walking," we have read lots of articles about the health advantages of walking but some of us tend to ignore it and simply prefer to take transport for travel even on short distances however for me, walking helps me regulate my mood especially if I am having a stressful day, low mood and bored. It also helps me find my inspiration and creativity and there are times that I have to make a decision or solve the problem, walking helps me gain clarity and solutions starts to pop up for me to make an action.
For those who wants to practice Walking as their way to Self-care, my suggestion is to start from 30 minutes and as your body becomes adjusted with the time then it is time to increase it 1 hour or 2 hours or increase. You may also incorporate it to your daily activities for instance, when going to work instead of commuting and spending money for it then walk. If you have a dog or taking care of a child then bring them to park and walk with them and as you walk enjoy the simple beauty of the nature you are in.
Make sure that you perform breathing exercises, stretching, warm up and cool down when you walk. Walking is a simple physical activity that doesn't require you to pay for gym subscription, it is free!

The second Self-care practice is healthy eating. I do believe that what you eat consistently does have long term effects to your body for example, during your youth, you love eating Barbecues that is grilled on a charcoal so as you grow old, your body system starts to deteriorate and you easily get Cancer as compared to those who eats less of it and what more if you family have a history of Cancer.

There lots of diet fads that are roaming around the health and wellness magazines and online and we are attracted to people shown some results from obese to slim using those diet fads however as we tried to apply the said diet for ourselves and it didn't go well as we hoped we become frustrated and with this before we apply those kind of fads, listen first to what your body truly needs. It doesn't mean that works for others, it will also work for you.

Notice your symptoms and ask yourself if do you feel sluggish, anemic or have medical conditions either you are unaware of or having any existing ones? From there, have a laboratory examination of what nutrients you are lacking and seek consultation with health professionals about your diet plan. For those who doesn't have any health conditions, always eat a balance diet. Note, which foods gives you the boost of energy or have any effects. 
Having health supplements and medications are great however healthy eating on a daily basis helps us to prevent severe health conditions in the future.

Next in line for Self-care is the importance of rest and sleep. Let me share you my experience when I was working as a Carer in one of the Nursing homes in the UK, there was one occasion where I work for long day shifts from 6 am to 9pm for 6 consecutive days and then one of my Filipino colleagues invited me to attend one of the Filipino parties and told me to come after work so I went there and when I was about to open the door, I couldn't even do it and I even asked somebody to open it for me! It was embarrassing but that's where I came with a realization that working for several days without proper rest and sleep will truly lead your body to exhaustion and thus affects your performance.

There are some people who take 2 to 3 days off and try to get as much of a quality of sleep is a no joke. When you have that 6 to 8 hours of quality sleep you will notice that your body seems to be fully recovered from that exhaustion and you are again in top form. Having a period of rest and stillness is important to regain your strength. This is why we also need to make good use of our break times.

For working people and those who are bombarded with commitments, they have lesser time for rest and sleep so no wonder that rest and sleep are considered to be our intangible luxuries that nurture our bodies, and we need to include that in our Self-care goals.

The fourth one that I considered as a valuable Self-care practice is to practice intentional living and what do I mean by that? It is by setting our day with intention and a purpose with positivity.

There are instances in our lives that we felt that we are anxious for no reason, we felt that we are overthinking and all over the place however if we are doing intentional living, you are becoming mindful on the things that serves you for good and which isn't. You have your goal and formulate tasks such as creating "Things to do List" that serves you a direction towards that goal and in that way, you have gain control of what you want to become and be productive as the day progresses.

On a spiritual sense having a good intention and purpose deepens your relationship to yourself and others and importantly to God who has the full control of all things and helping you endure any hardships that is beyond your control.

Then lastly, is to learn how to be grateful and appreciate either small or big blessings that happened to your life. Why is being grateful connected to Self-Care? When a person learns to be grateful, he or she appreciates the value of life and accepts and has a deeper understanding about people.
This person is contented, doesn't complain or blame no one and is focus on the present in which attracts positivity and develops resilience especially on tough times which is easier for them to bounce back and continue with life seeing the bigger picture. Those people who doesn't practice gratefulness according to some studies exhibits the high levels of stress because they look for happiness from the outside which are short-lived rather than from within.

Then for the bonus part is practicing Self-compassion. We live in this world that in order to thrive and be accepted, we have to comply with the expectations from the society. This can begin from our family, friends, colleagues, neighborhood or to the whole community which sometimes cause us a lot of pressure and if we fail to deliver their expectations, we lose our self-worth and self-confidence, or the main enemy could be ourselves with our "All or None mindset" that as we fail there are no second chances around. We begin to get stuck with our mistakes from the past making us doubt ourselves by unable to try new things and take risks for the fear of failure however if we always think negatively of ourselves, we will never change for better. Although there are some people who are available to help you out, but the real help will start from you that you accepted that this situation happened, and you are now ready to change it.

Self-Compassion is another form of Self-Care in the sense that even though there is a mistake and imperfections happened, it doesn't define you as a whole person, but it serves you as learning opportunity for improvements. You are enjoying the process of your journey rather get focus on the result you are expecting.

We understand that generating Self-compassion is not easy for some because we have the tendency to Self-criticize and the All or nothing mindset gets ahead of us however if we put Self-compassion into practice whatever disappointments and negativity from others will not affect us because we know ourselves more and we focus more on our strengths, our present and what could possibly go right for you to be able to move forward and allowing ourselves to be healed.

Never underestimate your body's calling for Self-care and if your body is now experiencing it then remind yourselves about the different Self-care practices that I mentioned and have thorough assessment your needs and identify what the things that works for you and gives you the purpose to manifest something and enjoy life. If in any case that you are requiring trusted professional help to release the burden that you are carrying, then don't hesitate to do it because it is also a way that you are ready to change something about yourself positively.

Don't rush into a relationship for the fear of missing out

 

Look for the heart ♥️ shape. Relationships take time to bloom just like plants.

Hello guys, I would like to share to you about one of my acquaintances' experience when it comes to romantic relationship and by this, please consider it as a lesson.

This acquaintance of mine is older than me and we are living in the same accommodation. Let's name her "Joy" for confidentiality reason.

Joy is near in her late forties, and she is worried that until now, she doesn't have a boyfriend. Most of her family members are single. Some of her friends suggested her to find a romantic partner on dating apps however nobody is forcing her to be in a romantic relationship, but her friends are happy for her if she finds herself one. She had a previous relationship, but it didn't work well and by this time around she finds an Indian guy who can speak a slight Tagalog but have lived in the Philippines from his childhood years. She is hoping that this new guy would take her seriously and she is also curious of what sex is all about. She desperately needs a companion in her life.

Of course, if we are on a newly found relationship, it seems that everything is a bliss. Phone chats are consisting of sweet nothings and full of promises. She told me that this guy invites her to his house, and he will provide a room accommodation for her and all of it, is his expense. This may seem to be promising but what I find it odd is they only knew each other for a week or so and another thing that I noticed was, the guy is saying he loves and wants a future with her but they barely knew each other nor they haven't make any meet up plus they have this language barrier, the guy only knew basic Tagalog somewhat Tagalog creole and cannot speak in English however despite of this red flags, love is truly blind and the relationship resumes.

I only provide her with the practical suggestion that try to meet up with him and do not fear. This is her chance to get to know each other as a person and see how it goes if they are compatible or not. I don't expect that anything that would happen to them would be sexual.

What I am thinking about that time was, you and your partner may look lovey dovey on online chats but meeting in person is a different story. It is her time to weigh things if that is the right person for her or not.

Since that there is a language barrier, I kind a bit worry for her because I asked myself what will happen if they are officially partners? How will they communicate their needs especially if they express what they want in a relationship, and I do feel that the guy has a different way on how he expresses his feelings & way of communicating aside from his Indian values.

The guy did open up to her his past relationship, but it didn't work out because his Filipina girlfriend cheated despite of everything, he has been given to her. The only good thing about their relationship is that they disclosed their vulnerability to one another when it comes to past relationship, but the question is for what extent and for how long?
Finally, they decided to meet up and at first everything seems to go well however after the long weekend in the Philippines, she came to the accommodation and told the owner first that she was devirginized and then she told to us her experience. It may seem funny how her experience turned out but the reality after that is no laughter. She tried to contact the guy, but the guy seems not to be same as before, not much as enthusiastic on chat, uses simple greeting and seems to be focus on his work or it could be other excuses.

Joy asked herself if she did something wrong? She finally felt that there is something lacking in her connection with him after the sex. She decided to not to contact and block him.

Before this meet up happened, Joy told me that her foster mum doesn't agree with her relationship to that guy not because he is an Indian, but she knows that Joy have already experienced a bad relationship. Considering Joy's delicate health condition, she is already taking medication and being overweight, she cannot afford to get pregnant and take care of the child. Her mum even told her the harsh truth that don't rely on family members to care for your child. The mum simply advice Joy to live life sensibly and practically because of her condition and with her mum's statement I do believe that she got a point. Joy should have just focused on caring for health and wellbeing instead pushing herself in going to relationships to make herself complete but unknowingly aware there are things that is beyond her control and there are some risks and consequences.

In the Philippines and even on some cultures, being single for too long gives an assumption that the person is unhappy in his or her life because they didn't experience how to be love by someone who is in opposite sex or even tried sexual intercourse. For others there is fear of being alone and believing that having a partner will bring them happiness and for Joy's case, she has this fear of missing out.

Some people are being pressured by others (from family, friends, colleagues and etc.) to have a romantic relationship or get married however if you listen to them and things turn wrong are they going to help? No, I don't think so and probably some of them are avoiding you or not there to be seen while others will laugh at you for being stupid because you choose the wrong person, so you see be careful of whom you connect with because not everyone is at the best of interest of your heart. In a relationship especially on its initial phase, you should make a space for yourself and not give all your 100% to your partner because there are 50% chances that your partner is a genuine or 50% or a 100% of a player.

One time, I make a suggestion to Joy why don't she try joining groups for example Book club, or join charity work in the community, health & fitness group or learn a new skill or a hobby and in that way, she might meet a guy that is compatible with her and the relationship is organic. Even if she don't find her true love, she does things that will enrich her life and meet great connections that would truly support her.

Being single is about enjoying your own company alone than staying with lots of people who make you feel alone and suffocated in a toxic relationship.

What I noticed in Dating apps is that people are more focus on physical looks or whatever information they put it in but not going deeper about the person. They don't have that energy to get to know each other and once their relationship becomes official or they get married, the flaws and emotional baggages starts to become visible. Without proper communication, trust, compassion, compromise and respect the relationship or the marriage you have with someone are doomed to fail. Expressing love or saying I love you is not enough. Showing love is not about saying sweet nothings or can please your partner through sex and roses but this all about being emotionally available and you are there when they need it the most and able to face each other's vulnerability and differences. We also expect that our partners will fill the gap but that leaves us to great frustration when that partner didn't provide what we are hoping for but what we fail sometimes to acknowledge that relationship would start from your inner workings to yourself and learning how to nurture a relationship despite of its challenges.

To conclude this let me give you a quote about happiness. "Seeking Happiness starts from within instead of seeking it from other person." If you want to attract love, it would begin to yourself acknowledging what are your needs, wants, priorities, strengths and weaknesses. If there is something lacking you do self improvement. Happiness is also found in appreciating small & big things. Be grateful to the things that is happening around you. Next is be authentic and respect yours and others boundaries in that way you attract the right person and the right relationships. Before you love others, love first yourself.

Thank you everyone for reading this. Please make wise choices in life and don't rush into a relationship and make your connections valuable.

Understanding a particular country's Coffee Culture

A candid photo of customers coming in and out and passing by on Starbucks coffee shop at Ayala Exchange in Makati. ✨Starbucks is the heaven for coffee lovers. ✨ ☕

 

Beginning with my personal experience of United Kingdom's Coffee Culture

When I was in United Kingdom, I noticed that the Coffee Culture is evident. The British public's lifestyle especially in the City of London in the mornings are fast paced like people rushed to work and quickly popped up at the Coffee shop to buy coffee or buy bagels and sandwiches with it and off they go! While others dine in for a short period and then leave.

This UK's Coffee Culture scenario is evident till now in local cafes and Licensed shops however UK also adopted the Starbucks' Coffee Culture where they can sit, relax and enjoy their coffees for longer periods with themselves or with their friends or colleagues.

There are also times where in everything is busy and lively because aside from simply drinking coffee, there are also chatting, long queues, some even work, doing business or study.

This leaves Starbucks true to their business model as shown in the picture and other major Coffee shops in the UK like Costa and Cafe Nero follows the trend of having a comfy ambiance. Other countries with these Coffee Shops have also adapt to this Coffee Culture and added a different twist to it depending on their lifestyle and culture.

About the Scottish Vlogger who make his concerns known

There was this viral video in the Philippines from a Scottish Travel Vlogger, who were dismayed at the site of Coffee Culture in the Philippines. According to him, there are some people who stayed in the Starbucks for hours and his concern that Starbucks' sales might be affected because there are some people who wants to dine in but couldn't do it because of the people inside. He also complained about the noise, and he stated that some people make it like an office or library.

What is good about the viral video?

The good thing about it is, he caught the attention of the Filipinos and there are some truths about it and some Filipinos have also noticed the bad coffee culture of their fellow Pinoys. For some Filipinos they see that others as entitled that they can do whatever they please in a Coffee shop without mindful of other people who are there. As for others, they find it unfair that a customer buys one Coffee but stays for long hours and they find it unfair for Starbucks in terms of their expenses. In that sense the Vlogger earned likes and the sentiments of some Filipinos.

What is the bad side of this viral video?

Now that Vlogger's concern becomes viral, does this make an impact for Starbucks and Filipinos who do does these behaviors?

In my opinion, it is a "Yes" but only for a short term because these concerns are addressed by a foreign travel Vlogger and that might affect the other tourist who will go to Philippine Starbucks, but it is a short term because Filipinos can easily return to their own ways because it is part of their culture and lifestyle that not a Foreigner can stop it.

Some Filipinos might think, who the heck is this guy to give such rant and others blindly agree to it? It's like my country, my rules and mind your own business. It creates also more division between those people who use Coffee shops with a different purpose those who wants Coffee quick and those who wants to take time and be productive in the Cafe. For example, a college student who regularly goes to this Coffee shop to study for long periods while enjoying a sip of coffee and now feels guilty because of this rant from this vlogger and Cafe police Filipinos.

I do think that Starbucks is losing some of its faithful customers for this kind of prejudice but not realizing that there are worst customers around. While others checked the number of Coffees people are buying versus the number of hours they stayed in the premises. It seems that your right to stay longer depends on how many items you buy there. I do feel that some Filipinos are being insecure that they mind other people's business while these people don't mind theirs. We came to Coffee shop to relax, unwind and be ourselves and not to pressure by the eyes of spectators that knows it all.

This Travel Vlogger is not helpful at all to the Filipino community because he doesn't dare to ask and try to understand why these people act that way. There are also some Filipinos who tried to "Parinig" making statements indirectly to shame those who are doing it believing that these people will change but no it isn't. For as long as you don't listen and understand people's reason behind these actions there is no impact and no change.

He may have a point but instead of making a video and have a rant about it, he should have done it differently by approaching the management directly to address the problem and offer a solution. Start to ask some of customers as to why they are doing it to gain more and clearer understanding.

What he doesn't know, there is some part of his country that has the similar Coffee Culture. During my stay in the UK, there are also people doing their business, studying and doing their work for longer hours as they sip their coffees there times that Starbucks is too crowded and noisy during Winter seasons. Unlike in the Philippines, most Starbucks in UK particularly in London don't have guards.
UK's drinking and street culture is more distrubing than Philippine Coffee Culture.

If you see the Drinking culture at UK pubs and streets at London at night are worst for instance after working hours, you see an office lady lying on the floor and wasted. I was really shocked when I saw that in London because she was making vulnerable to herself. A man whom I personally saw lying on train's floor look drunk and wasted at one of the carriages of Golders Green Underground trains. While others are too loud in public and then two bearded men with an influence of alcohol was about to kiss when I pass by on one of the pubs at Charing Cross.

Do you think those kind of people would make London and UK safe? Did Filipinos and other nationalities tried to complain and make a viral video to address that? It's a "No" because some of them may think that its a part of British culture and they have no means to express their concerns because it is not their country and for them, for as long as it doesn't interfere with what they are doing, these Cafe police people and other horrible people must mind their own business and insecurities otherwise their community will fight back. So don't expect that you will received the same comfort and convenience you have in the UK can be also seen in Philippines and others. People have different ways of doing things and what we need to do is research, get to know with their culture, accept, respect and adapt to it and vice versa if they are in your country.

Even J. K. Rowling does her novel works in Cafe shops, but I don't think she would only stay for 30 minutes to do her writing works there and it takes time. To write something, it needs some brainstorming, creativity, inspiration and productivity and Coffee shops like Starbucks ignite those senses through the smell of a Coffee first then drinking it will now move you up to the new level of productivity with sharp focus.

With his concern about Starbucks is losing its customers that's a nay! because even if there are people who are dining here for long periods, there are others who do Take out orders or even call Starbucks directly or use other delivery service to purchase and enjoy the product.

For a foreigner who just visited the Philippines or other countries, I would suggest that before you create a video, noting these bad and odd experiences, you have to look at your country in a mirror first and remind yourself that each country has their own way of doing things and also has their own set of good qualities and flaws. Learn to adapt and be open to experiences that are different to you and instead of complaining, approach the management and express your concerns and offer a solution that would benefit everyone involved. In that way the problem would sorted nicely without drama.

Understanding the Coffee Culture in the Philippines and the type of people who go there.

Now, we move on to the Coffee culture scenario in the Philippines. When Starbucks came to the Philippines, only the rich and some well to do people and professionals can afford it. If someone knows that you go there, they will say, you are posh person however on my return to Philippines after 7 years from UK, I was shocked that Filipinos are catching up with the trend and even students can now afford it. They begin to use Starbucks as an opportunity for them to study and for others they conduct a business while for some, they are staying there to pass time or wait for something but are not buying anything and there also others who probably stays there for free Wi-Fi or just be there to look cool which annoys others.

Unlike in the UK or in other countries, most Filipinos are not originally book readers. They only encounter books if this book becomes a world trend like Harry Potter, Twilight or the local pocket books which I think only a few only reads it. They would only encounter textbooks during their school and university days but it is not something that they are immediately interested for example, you immediately fancy reading law books or other books that gives factual and informative information plus having your book collection is expensive.

The Philippines have few National libraries and not all schools have bigger libraries to accommodate students so the alternate solution is to go a Coffee shop and do their studies there. There are also some who doesn't have a study facility at their home or living with a shared accommodation that are not conducive for studying so if they see Starbucks in their area for as long as they can afford to buy a coffee then they will go there. Philippines doesn't have public libraries on every high street or it is small to accommodate everyone or they are too strict with the rules.

The next in line in Philippine Coffee culture population are the professional workers from the corporate world. These professionals sometimes use Starbucks and other cafes for socialisation during breaks or having a meet-up with a family member or friend/s who have the same love for Coffee, breads and pastries goes along with it. Some of them use Cafe shops to work for example their boss sends them an urgent email to do their tasks or a meeting with colleagues during their off days or the office is not available to use.

The third in the Coffee Culture population are people who owns or involved in business and Entrepreneurs. They are in Starbucks or other Coffee shops because this a place that is very conducive in brainstorming and sharing of ideas especially during mornings where everyone is on the go. If you have a customer and a client, whom you wanted to lure to your business inviting them for a Coffee is a nice thing to do to present how your business works and what other things they need to know.

And last on the population are the Freelancers and those who are starting with their work from home jobs but cannot do their jobs on home because of their children around, their house is near at the street where the noise of vehicles can be heard and cannot afford to rent a Co-working space or rent a studio or private rooms because its too expensive.

We see these people normally on a Coffee shop on a daily basis and for simply controlling or restrict their behavior is no good and assuming that these people are there to look cool or posh and make indirect statements to shame them for them to change wouldn't be effective. If you try to set your biases at the side and try to understand and accept where they are coming from then a change that works for everybody would be possible.

How can a Starbucks and other Cafe shops solve these issues and retain the customers happy coffee experience? (My suggestions)

First thing that they must do is to set intentions when it comes to the number of sales that they want on a daily basis and from there they must set boundaries by implementing a rule that would benefit everyone for example they make an Online Announcement like this.

"To enjoy your Coffee drinking experience the allotted time to stay in the premises would be 30 mins (or they may set any time limit that works for them) to give to the new customers a chance to dine in. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation."

Aside from Online Announcement there would be also sign boards that would also make other people be informed even they missed these online announcements. It is important that everyone must informed and not just approaching one person by a guard or staff to be reprimanded and then they saw on the other customer they are treated differently which is unfair. Be consistent and firm with the rules and provide an explanation to your side why there has to be that way.

Another great suggestion is, if you have a regular customer who use Starbucks/Coffee shops to study or work for longer hours let say they stay in the mornings till afternoon or from afternoon till evenings, you may offer them menus from that particular time and with that you are making strategy to have more sales as you are catering your customer's needs. You offer that customer that convenience that instead of them going to other places to eat that might interrupt their focus on doing their activities.

For those who are envious or insecure seeing those people at Starbucks for longer hours, you shouldn't be because this is a first come, first serve basis. These people are not responsible why you did have your coffee from that branch in the first place. They are not feeling entitled or anything, they simply have a purpose on why they are there and they have nothing against you.
What these people can do is to make adjustments by simply ordering coffee for take out, make online or phone deliveries or simply choose a Coffee shop with less people to dine in.

You may also include a posts about Coffee etiquettes on Social medias or on site so all people have to be aware of the behaviors that is allowed and not allowed in the Coffee shop.

With proper communication, right information, be accepting and understanding where others are coming from, we can achieve orderliness for everyone making your Coffee shop a safe place where people relax, getting comfy and having pleasant feeling when your customers enjoy every sip of their favorite Coffees.

Happy sipping everyone!

The special insights that I learned from attending the Inner Temple's webinar

 

Ladies & Gentlemen, let me present to you the United Kingdom's 4 Inns of the Court with their magnificent emblems!

At 1 am in Philippine time, I managed to attend the webinar on "How to become a Barrister?" which was hosted by the Inner Temple in London.

If you asked me, what makes me attend the webinar. Well, I myself doesn't intend to work as a Barrister knowing that my finances, resources and status are not eligible enough to make me apply but I am seeking for some new perspectives and insights from the panelists who are barristers and here are the things that I learned from them.

First is have self-compassion and resilience because there are times that the tasks at the inn are too stressful and also even for those who are doing pupillage which makes some people push themselves too hard and for some, they might feel they might not be good enough. Self-compassion is all about despite of some limitations and flaws, you know how to bounce back by appreciating who you are, your capabilities and strengths and you keep doing your best until you achieve your goals while resilience is all about keeping yourself strong in amidst of setbacks. Self-compassion & resilience helps you in moving forward in your life and these are the things that must learn and serve as a reminder when feeling down.

What's surprising enough is if you heard some stereotypes for lawyers that they are acting big shots but these group of barristers are the opposite. They are humble and came from small beginnings. In the session, there are four panelists and one of them is the host. They came from the different Inns of the Court. None of them got a legal background even from their family and friends. 
Starting from the host, she came from a family of teachers but the passion of becoming one is there, then the first panelist is a blind barrister with the non-British background at first, it was a challenge because of his disability and his first language is not English but his friends and the determination to help people, he manage to get where he is and for the second one is a writer but her friends saw her potential to try becoming a Barrister and she goes with the flow to see how it goes and during the process she was able to see her forte and even though some challenges came but she also managed to pull it through then the next Barrister, started working on a Supermarket then later on he sees his potential in sales then later he decides to work as a Barrister, there was a point in his life that he face depression but through the help of his support people, he was able to overcome his depression and find meaning of his work. He encourages everyone that when experiencing mental health issues, do not be afraid to seek help from your loved ones that whom you can trust and mental health professionals and for the last Barrister, he got a medical background and, but he decided to be a Barrister and has a Litigation specialization.

From there, we can see that whatever challenge they faced they don't de-select themselves and they continued to pursue their career as a Barrister and what makes them have this strong resolve is their passion to serve people. They also know how to do Self-care and seek help from people when necessary.

Another interesting, that I learned is the importance of mooting and public speaking to develop your Advocacy skills. Advocacy skills is very important as Barrister if you are protecting people for good causes. Mooting helps you organize your thoughts, improves your research skills, be logical and make good arguments. It is like Martial Arts that you have to put into good use. I do feel that Barristers have to be impartial in handling cases.

Then the last interesting part that I discovered and learned in the session is, it would be great if the applicant has a care background. People skills/Soft skills are being emphasized. They are interested with those applicants who can share their experiences when to persuade people and act calm on a pressured situation. There is one applicant who shares a story on persuading and calming a child and they love it! The thing is, you don't need to have a grand story or background to convince someone but what these Barristers need is someone how to make use the prior skills in line with the profession that they are trying to be in. They simply preferred honesty, clear and be humble. These things are more endearing than simply bragging about your qualifications and backgrounds but on simple things and tough situations, you can't deliver and not a problem solver.

So, from this session, it completely changes the way I see them and if you wanted to achieve on something believe on it and do your best to reach your goal and know how to balance yourself emotionally, mentally, practically through time, resources and finances and spiritually and have a strong purpose and resolve to protect people.

This concludes my experience of attending the Inner Temple's session on "How to become a Barrister and we learn beautiful insights from it and apply it as we try to pursue the career we are dreaming of or even igniting a dream of becoming a Barrister ourselves.

The harsh realities that some foreigners tend to ignore as they travel to Philippines

During my time in the United Kingdom, I noticed that during Summer or Winter holidays some British people travel to warm or tropical countries. The following reasons why they are travelling is it is cheaper and fun to explore other countries with different culture. If they see their colleagues having a tan colored skin after holiday, it is a great sign that they are having a great time and also wealthy because they can afford to travel.

Whether you are a British or from other nationalities, we have an ideal vision of what holiday is all about and these could mean going to beautiful beaches and do sunbathing, hiking, scuba diving, snorkeling, shopping, visiting tourist spots, fine dining and other activities that they can imagine.

For some, as they view beautiful sceneries from books or video ads or films, they immediately book a ticket and head on straight without thinking about the practicalities and the risk when visiting some places and doing new activities however when reality bites and when circumstances get beyond control, they get frustrated, complain and blame the locals for any hassles they encounter.

Another thing that I observed from these foreign travelers is they book a budgeted accommodation and services, but they expect that it would serve them a top tier service and they expect that everything should be available upon their request.

Let me share you some experiences I have with these foreigners. One day, there two ladies from Austria who checked in on our shared accommodation for 1 night. They came in the afternoon, and everything seems to be fine. Our host tried her best to ensure that their stay is a comfortable one and even until their time of check out on the following day.

Here is now, what I find it off about them. At the day of their check out, I was sitting at the stairs on 2nd floor because of its good Wi-Fi connection. One of the ladies was going to pay the host for their stay. When the host received their payment and went upstairs the lady who paid the bill makes this statement "How stupid this hostel is!" and her friend just laughed along. At first, I was startled because how come did she said that? The host was very accommodating, and they always get what they want and that's the thing she is going to say how ungrateful she is!

If other people have heard that probably they would confront her with her statement but since they are about to check out and will never see them again I decided not to confront them because that is not a worth of energy.

Then later on they seek help from the host because they need to book a cab to the airport and while they are doing that, I simply cannot believe they still have the nerve to ask again for help but earlier one of them make a harsh statement. It is an awful site really.

As the host is using a travel app to book a cab, she asked first if their terminal is on terminal 3 and they say yes so, she confirmed the travel, and both ladies got their ride at the airport. Then minutes have passed, the host received a message from these ladies telling her that the terminal they are in are wrong. So, I said to myself, really?! but they said yes earlier when the host asked them their terminal number. It is so irresponsible from their part not to check it on their tickets.

Usually, I am also accommodating to the guests because I am the longest who stayed at the accommodation but with them, I just distance myself and feel disgusted by them because unlike some guests who are approachable and friendly, they are not. I also got this aura if the person is a trouble or not.

So, there you have it, when you come to foreign lands don't expect that everything will be smooth and efficient here. You really need to make an effort to be organized, learn to adjust and be practical especially on small details so that you can enjoy your travels and flexible on whatever circumstances you are in. If you want freedom and enjoyments of course there is some responsibility that you have to do.

The Importance of Partnerships

Partnerships doesn't mean it is all about having a romantic partner or partner through marriage. Partnerships can be on your relationships with a family member, a friend, groups of people, colleagues, business partners, acquaintances and even to yourself.

When you reach that connection with them there must be a purpose & intention and when you have these it adds a deeper value to your partnership with them because even though they have differences with you they still respect you because you establish your purpose of your partnership with them, those boundaries and they are mindful of it. It also makes your connection with these people stronger.

Unlike those who are in partnerships for the sake of pleasure, things only get superficial. Some of them are not with you when you need them because they don't understand the purpose or either you or them, they have different expectations and what they prioritize.

When we meet these kinds of people who are just for pleasure, we have to widen our understanding on why they behave that way. It could be that they don't know how to deal with certain emotions or communicate that they simply just there for pleasure or simply don't want things very complicated. It doesn't make them a bad person unless if they are using you for sex or other degrading means.

We don't need to change them and chase for their company and what we can only do is go with the flow and act accordingly when dealing with them.

Aside letting them understand about what your purpose, value and boundaries to develop strong partnerships with people we have to be also mindful of what they want, need and the things they value, and we try to help them with asking for return and we are genuinely acting to the best of their interest. We only simply giving love and wishing them well and helping them to achieve the best.

Make a thorough assessment first about your situation before having kids

Having a child or children is a blessing to many couples. If you are a newlywed couple or a couple who find it difficult in conceiving a child, it would be a joyous news. It determines a woman's capacity to fulfill her role as mother biologically and emotionally. It also determines her worth as a woman. Back in the days when if woman didn't produce a desired child, (in some societies and families want a male for a child) she will not be treated well in the family and a lot of pressure is pushed on her to comply with her family's preferences. As for man, having a child will serve as the continuity of the family line.

Some couples particularly a female one will be asked a question by a family member, or a friend and that question is....

"How come you've been married for a year or more but why until now why you still don't have a child?"

In some societies particularly the Catholic and Christian ones, they encourage people on this one Bible verse "Go and multiply!" And as we can see on the old generations despite the family is poor, the family have many children and they believe that one day, all of these children will return and take care of them when they got old and they don't even think about the couples' readiness and true situation, if they can provide a good upbringing to their kids in terms of dealing their emotions, teaching them valuable lessons about life, can they provide food, health needs, education money and resources that would help their child grow.

If their child didn't listen or rebels, it is constantly as the child's fault of disrespecting them but as parents, asked yourselves a question. Did I listen to my child especially on his or her struggles without judging and being biased? Am I available emotionally for them when they need company, did you respect them, become a good model and be consistent for your child/children to respect you as a parent?

There was this post online and it asked a question, you know that your income is not enough for you, why you decided to have many children?

This question may look offensive to some because for them it feels like we are restricting them to love and have a children because of their status however the point is it questions the parent's ability to have a child for practical, emotional and spiritual needs for their future.

Having a child or children requires both readiness from both parents and also requires open communication when it comes to needs, responsibilities and priorities. It is not an easy task, and it requires a lot of patience and compassion. You are building your child to be independent, self-reliant, building resilience, being able to control themselves against bad influences and assertiveness that when the time comes on your absence, they are strong to face harsh realities and knows how to deal with people from all walks of life.

It is not a one-sided care that women only care for their children at home and men just work and no engagement to their children or vice versa. Both the husband and wife know to be flexible and can do the duties of the absence of the other and work together and make arrangements of what seem fit to the situation. Family must be a team and not a traditional hierarchy of authority. Respecting that each one of us has their share and can learn from one another and supporting each other for their goals and uplifting them.

There are others commented that you cannot control sexual urges which sounds to be an unintelligent response. For them it is natural that when you have a relationship, you get sex and accident just happens that a child is form or if they don't have the sex, they miss the thrill in the relationship however they don't see the consequences of that and towards the end, the child suffers. It is only at the end that they realized that they are not eligible and afford to have one. Before having casual sex think about first your situation and if things get beyond your control what would you do?

While others answered, oh! there is no need to worry we have our food banks, free education and support from the government and charities. You can rely on your neighbors, friends and on your extended family members, charities and government. Seriously? True, that some of them will genuinely help you or can afford to help you on their limited capacity however don't rely too much on them because they themselves have their own struggles and you as parents must do an effort to provide your children a decent and stable life.

Meanwhile non-government organizations, charities and government may give you some of those support and through benefits, but it doesn't really provide your family the support you truly need because they allocate their resources to accommodate everyone while others are corrupt and so if they have failed you, what will you do? Act as a victim and blame them?

You may rely on those people temporarily however if you really want yourself and your family change your situation for good. It really needs acceptance of what you are now, make assessment, planning, hard effort and action, invest something on knowledge and skills for self-improvement. It takes time and patience however through time you find those things useful.

The family life before was different to what we have now. Like what I stated previously about poor families on having many children. Before people are living with simplicity and there are less crimes that children can run freely around their homes but in today's setup, we are now dealing with many issues like overpopulation, climate change, chronic poverty, unemployment, addiction, crimes, negative media, homelessness, inflation, pandemic and others making the younger generation decided not to have a child or having many children and simply their reason is having child in this day and age is not safe and stable.

Younger generations are now starting to think what is practical and sensible because they want meaningful connections and have an intentional and purposeful driven life. There is nothing wrong with making assessments of themselves and the world they currently living because from there they are learning to make better decisions from themselves and for the future generations to come.

The Pursuit of true Happiness

Each one of us have our own understanding of happiness. For some, they want a new car, while others wants a luxury home, to some ladies, they want a collection of designer bags, clothes or shoes. There are others who wants to travel around the world or even got a good career or a business. While others wants to have there own family, a better relationship and the list goes on and on however after we achieve the wishes or the goals we set in, the question is do we feel content or do we feel that there is something lacking or is it time to move on to something different to excite us or fulfill another need?

For as long as we are living in this world there would be endless cycle of our needs and wants. We have set this ideal vision that for us to be happy we have already achieved our goals and get what we want. We are always aiming for something that is not around.

Some people work hard to achieve this while others, they just do wishful thinking and hoping that luck goes with them however wishful thinking doesn't push us into action to change.

There are some instances in our lives that we make great efforts to achieve something, and we invest everything to it however things seem to be against us. From that experience, all the negativity sinks in such as complaining and blaming others for the mishap, then eventually we become depressed, and it changed the way we see life that we become afraid to start anything new and take a risk or mistrust someone for the fear that we might commit the same mistakes or become unsuccessful. Same thing goes to people who met consistent failures that they lost all the hope and may think that they will never get the happiness they want or begin to get happiness on doing harmful behaviors such as drug addiction, sex, alcoholism, doing violent acts towards self or to someone and suicide. Although some those acts would bring them happiness in a short while, but it leaves them empty inside and it doesn't solve whatever issues that they have in reality. If things are beyond their control and issues re-appear, they return to these acts.

It is painful to see people who are into this state, and we wanted to do something to help them and we simply wanted them to find their true happiness. We might help them partially however the true help and the happiness comes from within because if they wanted to change something about their lives, they have to be ready, be resilient and have self-compassion to themselves.

Applying self-compassion is not easy to some depending on its degree, and it also takes a lot of reflection, self-acceptance to who you are including your strengths and flaws. Instead of dwelling to your imperfections, you see it as a learning opportunity and turning something positive to it.

As for the pursuit of true happiness, it would start from you, and it is not getting happiness from people, places and circumstances and you feel contented and make use of what is available instead of seeking things that are unavailable and gets frustrated and depressed when things go awry.

There is a beautiful post that I have seen online, and it says that we have to start romantizing the way we do things from day to day such as finding joy in sipping a morning coffee, doing mundane tasks and being grateful with the things and experiences, we encounter each day and by doing so it gives us the life of positivity. Simple pleasures and gratefulness lead to happiness.

In a spiritual perspective, true happiness goes hand in hand with our purpose of loving our neighbor and the Supreme Lord/God. We are doing our purpose with a genuine intention of bringing kindness, help and compassion towards others without expecting anything in return and as we follow God's will.