Don't rush into a relationship for the fear of missing out

 

Look for the heart ♥️ shape. Relationships take time to bloom just like plants.

Hello guys, I would like to share to you about one of my acquaintances' experience when it comes to romantic relationship and by this, please consider it as a lesson.

This acquaintance of mine is older than me and we are living in the same accommodation. Let's name her "Joy" for confidentiality reason.

Joy is near in her late forties, and she is worried that until now, she doesn't have a boyfriend. Most of her family members are single. Some of her friends suggested her to find a romantic partner on dating apps however nobody is forcing her to be in a romantic relationship, but her friends are happy for her if she finds herself one. She had a previous relationship, but it didn't work well and by this time around she finds an Indian guy who can speak a slight Tagalog but have lived in the Philippines from his childhood years. She is hoping that this new guy would take her seriously and she is also curious of what sex is all about. She desperately needs a companion in her life.

Of course, if we are on a newly found relationship, it seems that everything is a bliss. Phone chats are consisting of sweet nothings and full of promises. She told me that this guy invites her to his house, and he will provide a room accommodation for her and all of it, is his expense. This may seem to be promising but what I find it odd is they only knew each other for a week or so and another thing that I noticed was, the guy is saying he loves and wants a future with her but they barely knew each other nor they haven't make any meet up plus they have this language barrier, the guy only knew basic Tagalog somewhat Tagalog creole and cannot speak in English however despite of this red flags, love is truly blind and the relationship resumes.

I only provide her with the practical suggestion that try to meet up with him and do not fear. This is her chance to get to know each other as a person and see how it goes if they are compatible or not. I don't expect that anything that would happen to them would be sexual.

What I am thinking about that time was, you and your partner may look lovey dovey on online chats but meeting in person is a different story. It is her time to weigh things if that is the right person for her or not.

Since that there is a language barrier, I kind a bit worry for her because I asked myself what will happen if they are officially partners? How will they communicate their needs especially if they express what they want in a relationship, and I do feel that the guy has a different way on how he expresses his feelings & way of communicating aside from his Indian values.

The guy did open up to her his past relationship, but it didn't work out because his Filipina girlfriend cheated despite of everything, he has been given to her. The only good thing about their relationship is that they disclosed their vulnerability to one another when it comes to past relationship, but the question is for what extent and for how long?
Finally, they decided to meet up and at first everything seems to go well however after the long weekend in the Philippines, she came to the accommodation and told the owner first that she was devirginized and then she told to us her experience. It may seem funny how her experience turned out but the reality after that is no laughter. She tried to contact the guy, but the guy seems not to be same as before, not much as enthusiastic on chat, uses simple greeting and seems to be focus on his work or it could be other excuses.

Joy asked herself if she did something wrong? She finally felt that there is something lacking in her connection with him after the sex. She decided to not to contact and block him.

Before this meet up happened, Joy told me that her foster mum doesn't agree with her relationship to that guy not because he is an Indian, but she knows that Joy have already experienced a bad relationship. Considering Joy's delicate health condition, she is already taking medication and being overweight, she cannot afford to get pregnant and take care of the child. Her mum even told her the harsh truth that don't rely on family members to care for your child. The mum simply advice Joy to live life sensibly and practically because of her condition and with her mum's statement I do believe that she got a point. Joy should have just focused on caring for health and wellbeing instead pushing herself in going to relationships to make herself complete but unknowingly aware there are things that is beyond her control and there are some risks and consequences.

In the Philippines and even on some cultures, being single for too long gives an assumption that the person is unhappy in his or her life because they didn't experience how to be love by someone who is in opposite sex or even tried sexual intercourse. For others there is fear of being alone and believing that having a partner will bring them happiness and for Joy's case, she has this fear of missing out.

Some people are being pressured by others (from family, friends, colleagues and etc.) to have a romantic relationship or get married however if you listen to them and things turn wrong are they going to help? No, I don't think so and probably some of them are avoiding you or not there to be seen while others will laugh at you for being stupid because you choose the wrong person, so you see be careful of whom you connect with because not everyone is at the best of interest of your heart. In a relationship especially on its initial phase, you should make a space for yourself and not give all your 100% to your partner because there are 50% chances that your partner is a genuine or 50% or a 100% of a player.

One time, I make a suggestion to Joy why don't she try joining groups for example Book club, or join charity work in the community, health & fitness group or learn a new skill or a hobby and in that way, she might meet a guy that is compatible with her and the relationship is organic. Even if she don't find her true love, she does things that will enrich her life and meet great connections that would truly support her.

Being single is about enjoying your own company alone than staying with lots of people who make you feel alone and suffocated in a toxic relationship.

What I noticed in Dating apps is that people are more focus on physical looks or whatever information they put it in but not going deeper about the person. They don't have that energy to get to know each other and once their relationship becomes official or they get married, the flaws and emotional baggages starts to become visible. Without proper communication, trust, compassion, compromise and respect the relationship or the marriage you have with someone are doomed to fail. Expressing love or saying I love you is not enough. Showing love is not about saying sweet nothings or can please your partner through sex and roses but this all about being emotionally available and you are there when they need it the most and able to face each other's vulnerability and differences. We also expect that our partners will fill the gap but that leaves us to great frustration when that partner didn't provide what we are hoping for but what we fail sometimes to acknowledge that relationship would start from your inner workings to yourself and learning how to nurture a relationship despite of its challenges.

To conclude this let me give you a quote about happiness. "Seeking Happiness starts from within instead of seeking it from other person." If you want to attract love, it would begin to yourself acknowledging what are your needs, wants, priorities, strengths and weaknesses. If there is something lacking you do self improvement. Happiness is also found in appreciating small & big things. Be grateful to the things that is happening around you. Next is be authentic and respect yours and others boundaries in that way you attract the right person and the right relationships. Before you love others, love first yourself.

Thank you everyone for reading this. Please make wise choices in life and don't rush into a relationship and make your connections valuable.