As we all aware that Christmas is coming and although life has been difficult for us (you know that inflation, that high cost of living, recovering from Pandemic and other struggles that we are having) there would be some of us who will still break the bank and spend items as a gift for us these holiday season.
Gift giving is a long-time holiday tradition, and we do this to show our thoughtfulness to the person who become the part of our existence from family members, friends, colleagues and acquaintances. It is also a wonderful experience for the giver and the one who receives it especially in the olden days where we are doing some good will and showing appreciation to one another but nowadays in this difficult time we had and the rise of minimalism and mindfulness, some people are seem not easy to please because we are now attuned to the practicality and on what really matters than simply following the trend that we end up broke after the holiday season.
This is not a bad thing that people are starting to be mindful and starts to remove the things that they don't need or not is working for them however the issue is when a giver is a traditionalist, and the receiver is practicing minimalism there would be always a clash!
To a giver's perspective, the receiver is ungrateful or unappreciative to the things that they give to them, or the receiver seems to be the Passive aggressive type or the emotionless one however if you listen to the side of the receiver, the issue with the giver is, they insist that they give but doesn't listen to what they truly want or need.
A great example of this is in one of the Minimalist groups that I am in there was this member who posted her frustration that every year, her mum is giving her trinkets, and she doesn't like it because it creates clutter and every gift it seems look similar. On the comment section, there are some who are helpful and offers some suggestions that would work for both mum and daughter but there are others who are nasty such as wait till your mother died and those who are annoyed that there is some guilt trip happening especially when someone made a comment that mum's life is short-lived they seem to think that this reason invalidates that person's frustration and its disrespectful.
What I find off about her post is she aired her concern about her mum online and that attracts some awful comments. Probably she already talked to her mum about it but the mum doesn't listen so she vents things online to gain some suggestions from other members, but this action may look like she is a bad person to some because she seems to be ungrateful of what her mum is giving her.
It would be good that when it comes to these concerns with a family member learn to control your emotions and not post about it online, have a heart to heart and an honest conversation with a family member whom you have issue with. She might have changed the wordings of her post that doesn't look that she is not annoyed with her mum and what she is after is a proper action to deal with this kind of behavior.
A heart to heart and honest conversation is a great way to address something by seeing first where both sides are coming from. Since she wanted to change something from her mum, she can ask the question why giving this to us is valuable to her? Then she might tell her reason and the full story of that. As a deep respect and love for her, she is the one to be open and receptive to listen her and acknowledged that you appreciate her efforts and then tell her your true situation, what has changed and what kind of gifts or help that you wanted to receive from her. We really need to be straightforward, consistent and firm with what we want without hurting someone's feelings or there could be some hurt but through time the person realises its significance to them and someone's lives.
Minimalism is not something about decluttering and removing things and people for the sake of spacious and attractive house, but it is all about being mindful of others as well. You are not building walls and burning bridges, but you are maintaining harmony and meaningful connections. We may have differences on the things we value, priorities, our beliefs and others however we are living in this world that we sometimes rely on others and there are some stages in our lives that we do depend on others for example as an elderly or someone who is disabled or have a chronic health condition and if you are not in good terms with people around you then what would you become? Who will you depend to?
If we already stated our reason to why we don't accept the gifts and our senior relatives still doesn't listen and insist their own way then we should be the one to do the compromising and adjustments because these people are bound to their traditions for so long that they formed sentimental values to it so we simply asked them why does it matter to them for us to come up with a common ground with them and help them see the bigger picture especially with their current financial situation.
There is no point of scolding them or changing the way they behave probably that is their way of showing their affection in their own way and some of them have depression or anxiety or other health conditions or other struggles that we don't know about. Even if they insist on giving, you are still in control and have the decision of you want to do with it. No need to be harsh and we need to widen our understanding.
A true peace of mind is from within yourself that you are contented, be appreciative and grateful with what you have and what others are giving to you. We must also develop a harmonious relationship with everyone respecting each boundaries. Let's celebrate our holidays with lots of love! ✨💕✨
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